ESPN

DJ Gallo

  (2:02 PM)

Hello, SporsNation. Good to be back in your land. Remember that tomorrow is election day. Please vote. Although I don't see Buzz handing over his dictatorship without bloodshed.

Austin (MTA)

What is your take on a new BCS system, do you think that college football should move to a playoff system?

DJ Gallo

  (2:04 PM)

No. Every organization has to stand out in the marketplace. And NCAA Div I-A football is able to stand out by being the only sports league in the world that is able to screw up the one thing that sports is able to decide: a clear winner. What a marketing advantage!

Steven (Cbus, Ohio)

Lets all vote Jamarcus Russell to the Pro Bowl..

DJ Gallo

  (2:05 PM)

Thanks to Jake Delhomme, Derek Anderson, Josh Johnson, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Matt Cassel ... what? the music is starting to play already? But I have so many more people to mention! ... Russell may actually get some votes. How sad.

T.J. (Matawan, N.J.)

How many pitches do you think the Phillies will have Lee throw before going to their bullpen?

DJ Gallo

  (2:07 PM)

150. But that's actually sort of a trick question. The Phillies don't have a bullpen. ZORN! (For the uninformed, ZORN! is the new ZING! for sports. It's, like ... the new cool thing and everything.)

DJ Gallo

  (2:08 PM)

Before I continue, an order of business: Texas Tech's Mike Leach is chatting after me. Please direct all of your Pirates questions -- capital P -- to me. And all of your pirates questions -- lower-case P -- to him. Now let's continue ...

Andre Agassi (Vegas)

Why does my face itch?

DJ Gallo

  (2:09 PM)

Is this a meth joke? Or a joke about itchy wigs?

dale (cincinnati, oh)

worst sports commissioner: dana white, david stern, roger goodell, or bud selig?

DJ Gallo

  (2:10 PM)

My goodness. How dare you leave out Gary Bettman. It's so disrespectful to not disrespect him in that way. He deserves it. Very, very much.

J.B. (Dunmore, PA)

I thought Zorn was the new word for someone who had their manhood taken from them and given to a bingo caller.

DJ Gallo

  (2:12 PM)

Well, it's that, too. Really, if anything humiliating has happened in sports and you're at a loss for words, just yell out "ZORN!" You'll be golden.

Ashamed (Baltimore)

I am currently winless in fantasy football, and way behind a girl who picked her team based on hotness. Any advice?

DJ Gallo

  (2:13 PM)

This question is useless without pictures. (Of the girl. Not the supposedly hot football players. But if she did not pick Tom Brady first, I AM GOING TO FLIP OUT!!!!!!!)

David (Elon, NC)

Me and my friend have contests on twitter to see who can think of the best lines and get retweeted the most, I'm up 4-1, he just lost his RT virginity last night. Any thoughts?

DJ Gallo

  (2:14 PM)

Are you the one who ReTweeted him? If so ... this chat just kind of got a little bit awkward.

Alex (Wilmington)

What's your conspiracy theory for A-Rod for actually showing up in the playoffs? I'm thinking he either saw his shadow just prior to the postseason signifying 6 more weeks of regular season-like play, or he simply misremembered that the regular season ended?

DJ Gallo

  (2:16 PM)

There's no conspiracy. It's just that our country is finally ready to accept a centaur playing baseball and he's feeling more comfortable at the plate. (In case you don't know what I'm talking about: A) what is wrong with you? and B) Google "Alex Rodriguez centaur NY Post."

Tarek (NYC)

Could Tecmo Bo make JamRussell a winning QB?

DJ Gallo

  (2:18 PM)

If JaMarcus Russell read this question: "Mmmmmm ... JAMrussell."

James (Boston)

After the Viking win, I really wanted Favre to just stick both middle fingers in the air at the fans and laugh like a crazy person. Not because I have interest in anything about the game, but for what may have ensued in the stadium and the surrounding area would surely cause the need for the militant control in Wisconsin. Could Favre have done anything better after the game than that?

DJ Gallo

  (2:19 PM)

I think he did worse by taking the high road and being all respectful in his post-game press conference. Why did he have to do that?! What a JERK! How am I supposed to keep a good hate going for him???

Bill (PA)

I'm scanning the MLB rulebook, and cannot find anything specifically banning centaurs from playing. Having the lower body of a horse would seem to be a bigger advantage than steroids. What gives?

DJ Gallo

  (2:20 PM)

Two major problems for centaurs on the baseball diamond: 1) the strike zone -- knees to the letters on the jersey -- is huge; 2) good luck trying to keep all four of those legs in the tiny batter's box.

Andrew P. (McLean, VA)

The Ravens defense made an outstanding turnaround this Sunday, but the fact that remains in my head is that this was Kyle Orton. With Carson Palmer, Peyton Manning, and Big Ben all in the near future (a trio from hell for a Ravens fan), can the defense continue to improve, or should I expect more 300 yard passing days?

DJ Gallo

  (2:22 PM)

Wait ... Baltimore fans don't like Peyton Manning? But he owns all of the Baltmore Colts passing records!!! I thought he would be beloved in your town. Huh. Next thing you'll tell me you don't like Irsay.

Eric (South Dakota)

If A-Rod gets hit by a pitch does PETA hold a rally?

DJ Gallo

  (2:24 PM)

I think that's PETMMB -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Mythological Man-Beasts. And I think they're busy organizing a protest of Manu Ginobili for killing that bat ... ON HALLOWEEN! Who kills a bat on Halloween? Also, who touches a bat? G-ross.

Buff (Austin TX)

How bad must Brett Ratliff be as a quarterback? I'm thinking he must really, really, really, really suck. I mean like, "Don't tell anyone, but we accidentally signed a ferret" kind of suck. Was it possible to watch Derek Anderson this weekend and not think of a guy with a sheet over his head with fifty-three holes in it, saying glumly, "I threw a rock."?

DJ Gallo

  (2:27 PM)

Why are we forgetting Brady Quinn? Oh, right. He's also terrible. But just think how bad the Browns passing game will be when Jamal Lewis retires. (Which reminds me: BREAKING NEWS: Jamal Lewis was not already retired.)

Zach (Portsmouth, VA)

So A-Rod wasn't on steroids, he was on horse hormones. It all makes sense now.

DJ Gallo

  (2:28 PM)

CentauRod ... or Barbar-A-Rod? Talk amongst yourselves ...

Roy Halladay (Toronto)

I should've been pitching for the Phillies in Game 4.

DJ Gallo

  (2:29 PM)

Roy, have you ever considered closing? It's what Brad Lidge does, only you keep your team in the lead instead of giving up a bunch of runs. And the $/inning rate is outstanding.

Evan] (Hudson)

Don't you think its ridiculous that the pac-10 officials don't protect their primere teams like the SEC does? I mean 47-20? A pass interference call here, a sucker punch there and that could have been an 8th Pac-10 title for USC!

DJ Gallo

  (2:31 PM)

Hey, hey, hey ... let's not single out the SEC. The Big Ten also deserves its due. The officials at the Iowa game apparently were watching a director's cut on the replay monitors.

Jason (Ellicott City, MD)

Say something nice about the Baltimore Orioles?

DJ Gallo

  (2:32 PM)

If they were in a different division, they'd have a shot at finishing 4th one year instead of 5th. But only if they were in one of those 4-team divisions.

Rick (Painesville, OH)

I'm going to the Browns vs. Lions game in Detroit in 3 weeks...besides lethal amounts of alcohol, what else should I take?

DJ Gallo

  (2:33 PM)

You're helmet, pads, and spikes. You might get a few plays. ZORN!

Eric (South Dakota)

How is Larry Brown still coaching?

DJ Gallo

  (2:34 PM)

The old Cowboys and Raiders DB? Oh, not him? Because he'd probably do about as well as the other one.

Josh (Knoxville, TN)

That gravitational pull joke in your column today was pretty outstanding, Gallo.

DJ Gallo

  (2:35 PM)

Thanks. But I give all the credit to Andy Reid's girth.

James (orlando)

how good are the eagles

DJ Gallo

  (2:36 PM)

Not Raiders good. But good.

ryan (middlebury)

can the rams really be credited with avoiding a winless season by beating the lions?

DJ Gallo

  (2:37 PM)

It's sort of the like NCAA football. Beating a I-AA team counts as a win, but not towards bowl eligibility. In the Rams case, bowl eligibility is us thinking they are an actual NFL team.

Zach (Portsmouth, VA)

Is Eddy Curry officially a zombie?

DJ Gallo

  (2:39 PM)

Eddy Curry is not a zombie. Zombies eat flesh. If Eddy Curry ate flesh, Eddy Curry would have eaten Eddy Curry long ago.

John (Washington D.C.)

I'm a Pens fan living in DC. All I've heard the last few hours is Caps fans crying over Ovechkin's injury. How long will they blame their losing on his injury?

DJ Gallo

  (2:40 PM)

I'm just impressed there are people in DC following hockey at this time of year. Usually they check the standing in early April, see if the Caps are in playoff contention and, if so, consider buying a $9 t-shirt.

Brian (Pittsburgh)

"Welcome to SportsNation! On Monday, Page 2 columnist DJ Gallo will stop by to chat about what he's been up to recently..."So, what have you been up to recently?

DJ Gallo

  (2:41 PM)

Errr ... ummm. Crap. I didn't realize I was supposed to be doing stuff. I've mainly just been waiting for this chat. Since my last chat. A month or so ago.

James (orlando)

who will win the world series?and why

DJ Gallo

  (2:42 PM)

The Yankees. They are up 3-1.

Kenny (NY)

Your chats are about as much fun as watching Jorge Posada walk to the pitchers mound after each pitch to talk to Sabathia. Seriously dude, step it up a bit. This chat has been painful today.

DJ Gallo

  (2:42 PM)

Clearly you don't appreciate the minutiae of baseball. Or chatting.

Tarek (NYC)

If you own (or in my brothers case just traded for) Steve Slanton, should you be crying today? Ryan Moats? He was benched for moats?

DJ Gallo

  (2:43 PM)

I realize that was a typo. But I would much rather have whoever Steve Slanton is right now.

Josh (Lincoln, NE)

Whoa now, that was a trick question. The Big 10 doesn't have any premier teams.

dale (cincinnati, oh)

"Kenny (NY)Your chats are about as much fun as watching Jorge Posada walk to the pitchers mound after each pitch to talk to Sabathia. Seriously dude, step it up a bit. This chat has been painful today."dude, there is an entire internet out there- go on now

DJ Gallo

  (2:44 PM)

His is broken. He has to read my chat. He is also unable to look away from the computer. It's really quite sad.

Hobo's (on the road)

ummm....did we just get overtaken by centaurs and browns as comedic devices? NOW our lives really suck.

Jeff (Fort Worth TX)

See any good Halloween costumes this weekend?

DJ Gallo

  (2:45 PM)

I saw a centaur hobo. It was only the greatest costume ever.

J.B. (Dunmore, PA)

I think it's funny how someone from Lincoln is picking on the Big Ten from not having any premier football teams. HOW 'BOUT THEM 'HUSKERS?

DJ Gallo

  (2:47 PM)

Uh-oh! Big Ten - Big 12 fight! Get your pitchforks! (Get it, because they're farmers! ZORN! Okay, I'll stop now with the ZORNing.)

Vito (Atlantic City)

How much money do you think Eli Manning has won betting against the Giants the last 3 weeks?

DJ Gallo

  (2:48 PM)

I don't know. But his SpongeBob bank is probably overflowing with quarters right now. Quarters that he will immediately trade in for Chuck E. Cheese tokens.

Louis (Fredericton, NB)

My guess is that Steve Slanton is the result of a fusion experiement (like in the movie The Fly) with Steve Slaton and Joe Blanton. I just don't know if it makes a good pitcher with a nice cut move or a RB that can throw a slider

DJ Gallo

  (2:49 PM)

It could just be a fat guy who fumbles.

Mike (San Diego)

Yeah, to echo J.B, I went to Iowa State and when you are losing at home to Iowa State, you should probably just sit quietly with your hands on your knees like a good boy.

DJ Gallo

  (2:50 PM)

You went to Iowa State and now you live in San Diego? Rough, man. But I guess you have to go wherever there is work. Chin up. The economy will pick up again eventually.

Scott (Boston, MA)

I know everyone wants to point the finger at Blanton/Lidge, but What has happened to Ryan howard and Cole Hamels? That's the real question that should be on Phil's fan's minds

DJ Gallo

  (2:52 PM)

Those are the second and third questions. The first question is: Who told these people that there facial hair looks cool? Brad Lidge HAS to be the worst Amish pitcher ever. And best, I guess, too.

Frank (NJ)

Wait, I don't get it. ESPN.com is a sports website (or suppose to be one or used to be one) yet I'm reading this nonsense. Nice work WWL. I guess the chatters don't have to have any knowledge of sports anymore to get a gig, just be able to write unfunny columns and call it sataire.

Mike (San Diego)

It's not my fault the Padres asked me to play for them. What's weird is that I haven't played since I was 9.

DJ Gallo

  (2:54 PM)

Please provide your own ZORNs from now on.

Gates (Baltimore, MD)

Is 'sataire' a mash up of Satire and Savoir Faire? Because I believe DJ has both.

DJ Gallo

  (2:54 PM)

I think he's from the South. That was "satire" with a drawl.

Jeff Reed (Pittsburgh, PA)

My hands are adequately dry now. Thanks for your concern.

Cody (Baltimore)

You better regain control, it sounds like you have a chat room mutiny at hand

DJ Gallo

  (2:56 PM)

It's Mike Leach and those damn pirates.

Frank (NJ)

Yes make fun of me because of a typo. At least I don't answer people's serious questions by bringing up facial hair. That's exactly what people want to hear.

DJ Gallo

  (2:58 PM)

I'm sorry. Ryan Howard can't hit lefties. But you're not going to bench one of your best hitters in an elimination game. Cole Hamels has struggled all year. His recent performances are nothing new. There. That was fun.

Tom (Arkansas)

Are you making these questions up yourself to appear popular?

DJ Gallo

  (3:00 PM)

DEFINITELY! I also just hired that one fat kid to steal my lunch money.

Manu (Alamo City)

Shouldn't I be cast as the villain in the next Batman movie? Are there any villains that actually kill Batman or will I be the first?

DJ Gallo

  (3:02 PM)

Not the villain. The love interest. You are way hotter than Maggie Gylenhall.

LeHenry (Atlanta)

Who is your number 1 pick in a facial hair fantasy draft right now?

DJ Gallo

  (3:03 PM)

Baron Davis. Or Ed Reed. I actually think Ed Reed should shave his beard off and put it in uniform I bet it would instantly be Baltimore's second-best DB.

Mike (Seattle)

Insight into topics that most columnists won't cover like facial hair, centaurs, and the zombieness of Eddy Curry are exactly what we want to hear.

DJ Gallo

  (3:06 PM)

Thank you. This is what I do. Of course, I can be serious. That is why I am the subject of the new Michael Lewis baseball book "Centaur Ball," which is about how I evaluate talent based on how closely players resemble centaurs.

Ken (Las Vegas, NV)

No Clay Zavada in your facial hair fantasy draft?

DJ Gallo

  (3:07 PM)

He is in my Three Musketeers draft.

Josh (Lincoln, NE)

I wonder how much it costs to get yourself painted as a centaur. I wouldn't mind one of those.

DJ Gallo

  (3:08 PM)

It costs a lot. Because all of the top artists paint people on centaurs. That and dolphin art and clown art. Or dolphin-clown art.

Eric (South Dakota)

Where do you think Adam Morrison would be drafted?

DJ Gallo

  (3:08 PM)

Higher than he is slotted out of fear he would start crying and make the entire draft telecast very awkward.

Craig G. (Fairfield, California)

How about Chan Ho Park? His NHL-like Playoff Beard is BEAUTIFUL.

DJ Gallo

  (3:09 PM)

I wouldn't want Chan Ho Park to pitch for me. But if I needed some trees felled and sent down the river, he'd be my guy.

Tarek (NYC)

Has anyone started sending drunken tweets as of yet? Will this be the new drunken fad soon?

DJ Gallo

  (3:10 PM)

I'm still doing drunken chatting. What?! ZORN!

DJ Gallo

  (3:12 PM)

Okay, dear ones ... my time is up. Enjoy Mike Leach. His spread chat is much quicker than mine.