You'd think the sports definition of "scary" would be standing in against Randy Johnson or getting screamed at by Bobby Knight. But Page 2 has a couple ideas of what makes for a far more frightening Halloween:
Finding out your teenage daughter has gone trick or treating with Shawn Kemp.
|Keep those miniature Snickers bars away from Shawn Kemp.|
Pulling the "Kansas" square in your office-pool grid for the NCAA Tourney.
Being forced to play a game of Boggle against the Christies.
Discovering Jeff George has a job ... and you don't.
Having to announce Augusta National's first woman member: Rosie O'Donnell.
Owning stock in the health-insurance provider for the St. Louis Blues goalies.
Having to inform the Red Sox Nation that the team is relocating to Montreal, not the other way around.
Finding out that a performer you thought was ultimately cool is using retro "Chuck Nevitt" jerseys in his latest hip-hop video.
Being Richard Williams' wing-man on his first post-divorce trip to the singles' bar.
|Just imagine hitting the singles bars with the man on the left.|
Being the guy who has to tell "Undefeated College Football Team No. 3" that they are shut out of the national-championship game.
Arriving at work and learning that Darren Baker will spend the entire day sitting in your cubicle.
Catching a Barry Bonds home run in the bleachers on "Trial Lawyers' Day" at Pac Bell Park.
Being a Knicks season-ticket holder.
Sharing a locker with Ruben Rivera.
Standing behind Vin Baker at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Needing a raise to prevent the bank from foreclosing on your home and finding out your new boss is Clippers owner Donald Sterling.
|Oh, the horror, the horror.|
Being godfather to the love child of Benito Santiago and Jackie Autry.
Driving the car in front of Randy Moss during a traffic jam.
Turning on the TV to find Mark Madsen as "The Bachelor."
Dealing with another season of Thunder Stix.
Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2. His "What's Hot, What's Not" trend-spotting list appears Thursdays. Got inside scoop on an up-and-coming trend? Want to declare something passé? Send this glimpse of your hipness to firstname.lastname@example.org. Don't forget to check out the NHL season preview Hot 'n' Not List!