|"The Sopranos" finished its third season last week, leaving millions of devoted fans without their favorite show for almost nine months. Just because there are no new episodes doesn't mean the Sopranos and associates are taking the summer off as this unfinished script reveals ...
[SCENE OPENS IN AN OFFICE OF SOME SORT. TONY, CARMELA AND ANTHONY JR. ARE SEATED IN FRONT OF AN ADMINISTRATOR'S DESK, WAITING FOR SOMEONE]
AJ: I don't know why I just can't spend the summer at home, like everyone else.
CARMELA: You know why. Because you cheated on your paper and were expelled. Because you need to learn some discipline. And because you could afford to lose some weight.
AJ: So you enroll me in a summer camp? That's for dorks.
CARMELA: Keep an open mind, AJ. You might like this camp. I hear that he has a very good success rate with young men.
AJ: Who told you that? Your f---ing priest?
TONY: Hey! Watch your mouth! Show your mudda some respect before I slap you one.
[THE DOOR OPENS AND IN WALKS THE MAN THEY'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.]
BOBBY KNIGHT: Watch yourself, mister. I heard what you said, and from here on, he's part of my basketball camp and if anyone is going to slap him around, it's going to be me.
[CUT TO ... MEADOW'S DORM ROOM, WHERE SHE IS LYING IN BED, SHEETS BARELY COVERING HER NAKED BODY. SHE HAS OBVIOUSLY JUST FINISHED HAVING SEX WITH THE FIGURE LYING NEXT TO HER, BUT WE CANNOT SEE WHO IT IS]
MEADOW: God, we shouldn't have done that. My dad will kill me if he finds out about this. He might kill you, too. He gets so nuts when it comes to my boyfriends. He had a major problem when I dated a black guy at the start of the school year. That's why he dumped me, because of my dad. He approved of my next boyfriend, who was a friend of the family. Then Jackie Jr. got all messed up and cheated on me. And now he's dead. I mean it. Literally, dead.
Why did we rush into this? I should be studying for my Psych 101 final. What was I thinking? I mean, I enjoyed it and everything, but we just met.
Look, you can't tell anybody about this. I'm serious, you can't mention this to a soul, you understand me?
[CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL THE MAN LYING NEXT TO MEADOW]
|AJ's never seen discipline like this at home.|
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL: Don't worry, baby. I'm the soul of discretion.
[CUT TO ... THE BADA BING WHERE TONY IS EATING LUNCH WITH CHRISTOPHER]
TONY: So ... you need to say something to me?
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah ... I've got a little problem with Paulie.
TONY: Join the club. Why is this any different?
CHRISTOPHER: You know how Paulie put me in charge of his baseball action? Well, he's always telling me never to take in reckless bets that we can't cover. Like I have to be told this. Like he's my friggin' mudda. I know, all right? Except, this whack job wants to lay down 100 large on a couple sucker bets. I mean, absolute losers. The day I have to pay off on any of these bets is the day I'm starting Game 1 for the Yankees in the World Series.
TONY: And just what were these sucker bets?
CHRISTOPHER: He bet that the Phillies, Cubs and Twins would win their divisions.
[TONY CHEWS HIS FOOD WHILE HE CONTEMPLATES THE DILEMMA]
TONY: Well, it's a long season. A lot can still happen. You got any ideas?
CHRISTOPHER: I was wondering. You think Sammy Sosa could still swing a bat if I put a bullet through his foot?
[CUT TO ... DR. MELFI'S OFFICE. CLOSEUP OF MELFI TALKING TO HER PATIENT, WHO IS OFF CAMERA]
MELFI: Perhaps we should talk about the possible reasons behind your aggressive behavior. Most people are able to channel their anger and aggression without resorting to such violence. I'm concerned. It's very self-destructive. This anger has cost you respect within your profession, brought a great deal of embarrassment to your family and made your peers question your leadership. And I don't think I need to add that lately, it's cost you a fair amount of money.
You need to focus and delve. Do you think your temper might be rooted in something in your childhood?
ROGER CLEMENS: Why are you asking me? I thought you were the one who was supposed to have the answers.
[FADE TO BLACK ... ]
Jim Caple is a senior writer at ESPN.com Send this story to a friend | Most sent stories
|Meadow's choice in men just keeps getting more curious.||