Heartsick over the ol' ball coach
Metamucil fails to help. Bayer aspirin gives the same results. Viagra never helps. Neither do its cousins.
Chicken soup -- oy! -- takes care of the sniffles, but nothing else.
"What's the problem, Dr. Hawkeye?" the patient asks.
"Let me have Hot Lips give you a heart scan," the doctor answers.
After a blood test and x-rays, the illness finally is discovered.
"You have something serious," the doctor says. "You have a terrible case of Spurrier-itis. It seems to be a virus that occurs mostly in Florida -- especially in Gainesville, Lake City, Ocala and Jacksonville."
The doctor wipes his brow.
"I can't understand it, though," he mutters. "There are very few cases in Tallahassee."
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