Heartsick over the ol' ball coach
Metamucil fails to help. Bayer aspirin gives the same results. Viagra never helps. Neither do its cousins.
Chicken soup -- oy! -- takes care of the sniffles, but nothing else.
"What's the problem, Dr. Hawkeye?" the patient asks.
"Let me have Hot Lips give you a heart scan," the doctor answers.
After a blood test and x-rays, the illness finally is discovered.
"You have something serious," the doctor says. "You have a terrible case of Spurrier-itis. It seems to be a virus that occurs mostly in Florida -- especially in Gainesville, Lake City, Ocala and Jacksonville."
The doctor wipes his brow.
"I can't understand it, though," he mutters. "There are very few cases in Tallahassee."
To continue reading this article you must be an Insider
MORE COLLEGE FOOTBALL HEADLINES
- Mizzou rallies past Hogs for SEC East crown
- Arizona holds off ASU to claim Pac-12 South
- Hogan, Stanford play spoilers, bounce UCLA
- Hokies extend series streak vs. Cavs to 11