In the immortal words of Principal McGee, "If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter." That's Uni Watch's back-to-school rallying cry as another college football season is upon us.

Not that the NCAA is so easy to support these days -- at least not in terms of athletic aesthetics. Many of the schools now take their marching orders from the big sportswear manufacturers (often with disastrous results), when it should be the other way around. And even teams that have maintained relatively old-school designs still face the depressing spectacle of wearing corporate logos on their chests, an ongoing disgrace that makes it hard for Uni Watch to take the college game seriously.

Such soapboxing notwithstanding, there's plenty of new stuff to watch for this season in Division I-A. The following rundown makes no claim of being comprehensive -- a few schools no doubt flew beneath Uni Watch's radar -- but it should be enough to keep everyone busy for now (with a big shout-out to the folks at Chris Creamer's logo and uni forum, who caught a few things Uni Watch had missed):

• BYU is going back to a traditional look. This will be the team's fourth design since 1999, which means its uniforms have been anything but uniform. But according to head coach Bronco Mendenhall, "This isn't about BYU having new uniforms. This is about honoring tradition." Oh really? If that's truly what Mendenhall wants, let's have the team go back to wearing this. (Are those lower-sleeve stripes cool or what?). Still, Uni Watch generally approves of the move -- an easy enough call, given what BYU was wearing last year.

• Speaking of tradition, Texas will wear a throwback design for its season opener, complete with uni numbers on the helmets, just like in the old days. And Wisconsin will celebrate its stadium renovation by wearing 1960s throwbacks, including the school's classic helmet (so much better than its current one) and -- get this -- lower-sock insignia, which looks so totally cool that for once, Uni Watch will stop complaining about logo creep.

• It's a mixed bag over at Syracuse, which is going from this and this to this. Uni Watch likes the switch from white shoes to black, the uni numbers on the helmets, and the sharp-looking white pants. But man, that shoulder striping is a nightmare (although it does have the salutary effect of being so clunky that there's no room for player surnames, which have now been eliminated). Plus the gray face masks look blah, the old white numbers looked better on the navy jerseys than the new orange numbers do, and Uni Watch already misses the old pants piping. A classic case of something that wasn't broke, but they fixed it anyway. (To put all this in historical perspective, a great PDF file showing SU's extended uni history is available for download here.)

• With Kansas' now being outfitted by adidas, its unis have gone from this to this. Uni Watch likes both the old and new looks, so call it a wash. But of course the real question is how adidas will approach the rather, uh, challenging physique of head coach Mark Mangino.

• In a development that surely can't bode well for collegiate sports -- or for the future of humanity, for that matter -- more and more teams are adopting Nike's Miami-style template with the wraparound rear bib and the faux-polo collar, including Utah (front and back), Clemson (ugly front, even uglier front, and back), and Arizona (front and really embarrassing back).

• In a related item that has resulted in scores of justifiably outraged e-mails to Uni Watch HQ, Michigan is adopting the wraparound bib too, but only on the road (front and back) -- ugh. As a small consolation, the Wolverines also are changing their home jersey's chest panel from mesh to a solid weave (a big plus for those who, like Uni Watch, don't care for the semi-transparent look that lets us all see which brand of shoulder pads a player is wearing) and making all their names and numbers sewn on, instead of screen-printed -- cold comfort in light of the road jersey, natch, but in these troubled times we have to take whatever morsels of encouragement we can find.

• At first glance, it looks like Missouri now is using the Miami template too. The good news is that the chest striping doesn't wrap all the way to the back; the bad news is that it transitions into some really awful pants piping instead.

• A different kind of wraparound design is being featured at New Mexico State, where the Aggies are going from this and this to this and this. The yoke striping looks kinda cool, but what's going on down the sides of the pants and jersey? Uni Watch reserves judgment until seeing a side view.

• Miami, meanwhile, will abandon its modern style for one game, on Oct. 29 against North Carolina. For that game, the 'Canes will wear their 1967 uniform, featuring a green jersey and the old hurricane warning flag on their helmets.

• Steve Spurrier is switching South Carolina from black back to red, complete with the white helmet the Gamecocks used from 2000 to 2003.

• Pittsburgh is now Pitt again, as you can see on its new helmet. But whoever added that gold side panel on the jersey should be pink-slipped, pronto.

• Washington State alums can finally stop cringing, as their school's look has gone from a total joke to being perfectly respectable, if somewhat unremarkable. The Cougars will continue to wear different home and road helmet colors, but note they're now also wearing different home and road shoe colors, possibly a football first -- anyone know if this has been done before?

• South Florida is marking its move from Conference USA to the Big East by changing its look from this to this -- a much classier design, although it's a shame about the face mask's change from green to black.

• Cincinnati's also moving to the Big East, and is updating from this and this to this and this. Eliminating the Broncos-style chest horns on the white jersey is a big plus, but Uni Watch is even more pleased to see that the Bearcats resisted the urge to put a white side panel on the black jersey to match up with the pants striping. Dig the new white bear-claw helmet logo, too -- nicely done.

• UNLV is going from this and this to this, which will no doubt be of interest to Atlanta Falcons fans.

• Little stuff: Indiana is changing its face masks from white to red. … Utah is adding a black "76" decal to its helmets, in remembrance of Thomas Herrion. … Michigan State is adding a neckline patch featuring the school's sesquicentennial logo (which would look a lot better if not for that stupid "®" symbol). … Georgia has moved its little "G" jersey logo from the chest to the neckline, changed its collar and cuffs from striped to solid, and moved its auxiliary uni numbers from the shoulders to the sleeves (but has not switched from red to orange -- it's just a badly reproduced photo). … Kansas State has removed the player's names from its jerseys.

Bell Bottom Blues
Anyone interested in the state of baseball pant legs (and if you're not, you're definitely reading the wrong columnist) will be interested in this dispatch from former Dodgers graphic artist Ross Yoshida, who checks in with the following report:

"We all know the lengths today's players will go to so that their pants stay over their cleats: the hideous leotard-like elastic strap, the Velcro fasteners, shoelaces through the pants, or simply stretching the hem over a 3/4-cut shoe. During my time with the Dodgers, I asked Cesar Izturis how he got his pants to drape over his shoes without riding up. He proceeded to show me by stretching the bottoms of his non-elasticized pant legs over a medieval-looking, vise-like, wooden-and-metal device that stretches caps (apparently, clubhouses keep these things around because players' caps shrink due to sweat and wear). He twisted the handle and you could see seams breaking and the polyester stretching -- I was amazed. Izzy told me he keeps the device in the pant leg openings for a few hours and then they're good to go. They'll just drape like a pair of slacks and never ride up, no matter what exaggerated movement you might make on the field. He also said the pants shrink back down to size after a few washings, so he has gone through this process regularly!"

Forget about such petty annoyances as steroids and competitive imbalance -- this device Yoshida speaks of clearly represents the biggest crisis facing the game. An appalled Uni Watch urges that it be banned from all clubhouses, forthwith.

Uni News Ticker
In an interesting case of uni modification, Michael Matonis points out that Bronson Arroyo has recently been removing the trim from the fronts of his sleeves. … The giant Colts helmet depicted on the new turf in the RCA Dome now has a gray face mask, which matches the team's actual face masks and corrects an inconsistency from last year, when the mask on the turf helmet was blue. … In order to protect his fractured left cheekbone, switch-hitting Mets outfielder Carlos Beltran is wearing a right-handed batting helmet -- that is, one with a left-side earflap -- when running the bases. So if he reaches base after a left-handed plate appearance, the batboy trots out and swaps helmets with him. … The A's retired Dennis Eckersley's number on Aug. 13. … Buccaneers coach Jon Gruden has been doling out college-style merit stickers, emblazoned with "Opponent Killer," for players who come up big in preseason games. But such stickers are banned in NFL games, so the Bucs are wearing them only during practices. … Our recent discussion of storing chewing gum on top of a cap gained new relevance on Aug. 16, when Joe Mauer of the Twins was spotted storing gum on his batting helmet (although Uni Watch suspects this was a teammate's prank, not a gum-storage method). … The Padres wore a National Negro League cap patch on Aug. 13. … Uni Watch footwear guru Mark Mihalik reports that Doug Mientkiewicz, who's worn adidas spikes throughout his career, has recently been wearing Nikes -- but with faux adidas stripes drawn onto the shoes! It's not clear if this ad hoc rebranding is due to superstition or a contractual endorsement obligation, and unfortunately Mientkiewicz has been on the DL and unavailable for comment. … Kevin Millar of the Red Sox recently saw fit to compare himself to Tom Brady, so Sox GM Theo Epstein had a Patriots uni delivered to Millar's locker, leading to a rather unusual sight during pregame warm-ups at Fenway. … Several readers report that the Bengals have taken the interesting step of listing their game-by-game uni combos for the upcoming season on their Web site. The problem, of course, is all the combinations are equally unwatchable. … Bizarre scene at Vikings training camp, where special teams players have been wearing yellow scrub berets for easy on-field identification (with thanks to reader Jon Eisen). … Reebok's long-rumored form-fitting hockey uniforms won't make their NHL debut until the 2006-07 season. But Nike has just unveiled its own version, which Team Canada will wear at next February's Olympics and at the 2006 IIHF World Junior Championships. While Canada's uni design leaves plenty to be desired (all that vertical piping is bad news, especially on the shins), Uni Watch thinks the tighter, more streamlined silhouette looks surprisingly good. … It's one batting helmet problem after another for the Cubbies. First, as noted last time around, Matt Lawton went to the plate on Aug. 2 with a logo-less helmet. More recently, as noted by Jason Heires, Jerry Hairston Jr. wore a solid-blue home batting helmet during an Aug. 20 game in Colorado, instead of the red-brimmed helmet that the team is supposed to wear for road games. … More helmet follies: When Joe McEwing pinch ran on Aug. 21, his "KC" logo decal was on his helmet's brim! It had been restored to its rightful place when he batted two innings later (with thanks to Eric Stanczyk). … Logo Creep Alert, courtesy of reader Duncan Wilson: "There's a statue of the late Sam Mills, of the Carolina Panthers, outside Bank of America stadium. And enshrined forever with him is the Nike logo on both sleeves [and, Uni Watch adds, on the right pant thigh]. Statues to remember great players are a great thing, but do we need more monuments to the corporate ownership of sports?" … Interesting quasi-uniform observation from reader Chuck Johnson, as follows: "With the baseball and football Hall of Fame inductions both taking place over recent weekends, I couldn't help but notice that baseball inductees can wear whatever they want, but the football inductees have to wear gross light yellow blazers with a cheesy Hall of Fame patch." … Major quality-control problems over at Playboy, where Jose Canseco's ex-wife was recently depicted on the cover wearing an A's cap with gold stirrups over green sanies, when of course it should be the other way around (with thanks to reader Michael Misiti).

Follow-Ups
Last column's look at athletic eyewear brought a flood of responses on a variety of fronts. First, regarding current MLB players, thanks to all who pointed out that Uni Watch's rundown of bespectacled players (Gustavo Chacin, Brandon League, Nate Robertson, Jason Phillips, Francisco Rodriguez, Brendan Donnelly, Juan Padilla, Ben Weber and Eric Gagne) was missing a few names. To wit: Duaner Sanchez, Matt Miller, Kelvim Escobar and Ramon Nivar (now back in the minors). Note that K-Rod, Donnelly and Escobar all play for the Angels, Weber is a former Angel, and Phillips, Gagne and Sanchez are Dodgers, making L.A. the de facto capital of baseball's four-eyed scene. Trendy SoCal affectation, or is it just because of the smog?

Thanks also to Fritz Lenneman, who reminded Uni Watch about the new eyewear trend of ballplayers wearing auburn-tinted contact lenses instead of sunglasses. The lenses, which turn your eyes a vaguely werewolf-ish hue, are being worn by an increasing number of players, including Brian Roberts (whose eyes now sort of match the Orioles' color scheme), A.J. Pierzynski and Mike Timlin.

On the ice, Uni Watch's call for bespectacled hockey players brought a small avalanche of responses to the general effect of, "Duh -- the Hanson brothers!" Uni Watch had been under the impression that the guys who played the Hansons in "Slap Shot" -- all of whom also played professionally -- hadn't actually worn glasses on the ice during their hockey careers, but it appears that Steve Carlson and Jeff Carlson did in fact don the specs, as did their brother Jack (who wasn't in the movie).

As for other vision-corrected hockey players, the only ones Uni Watch has been able to confirm -- at least in terms of photographic evidence -- are Al Arbour, Hal Laycoe and Charles Shannon. Moving down a step to non-visual confirmation, this page says goalie John Vanbiesbrouck wore specs under his birdcage mask while playing in the juniors, and this one says career minor leaguer Jim Cahoon wore them as well.

After that, it gets sketchy. Other players mentioned by various readers include Russ Blinco, Brian Conacher, Tony Esposito, Clint Albright (for one season with the Rangers in 1948-49), Tommy Williams (a minor-league defenseman who played with Rochester, not to be confused with the two Tom Williamses who played in the NHL), Henry Boucha (who, regardless of his eyeglass status, deserves special mention for his headband), and Dan Lambert (whose specs are reportedly depicted on Topps hockey card No. 364 from 1992-93), but Uni Watch would like to see documentation. If anyone has visual proof on any of these, speak up. Meanwhile, big thanks to all who responded, most notably Mark Morabito, Kevin B. Morrissey, Glenn Bowles, Heath Whiteley, Barry Roach, William Harrison, and, especially, R.J. Pratt and his cohorts at the Society for International Hockey Research.

In a related item, reader Eric Habermas checks in with the following: "Can't help you with glasses on the ice, but Russian superstar Alexander Ovechkin, who will play for the Washington Capitals this year, made a fashion statement in the world junior championships last winter with this intimidating tinted visor," which makes Uni Watch wonder if he'll be getting a call from Geordi La Forge's lawyer.

And several people have also pointed out that soccer player Edgar Davids plays with goggles. As reader Kristian Lin explains, "These aren't an affectation; he suffers from glaucoma and has a special dispensation from FIFA to wear them while he plays."

OK, on to other matters. On the topic of catchers' wearing brimless helmets, it turns out that this wasn't strictly a 1970s phenomenon, as Uni Watch had mistakenly believed. Anthony Hurd notes that Dave Valle wore the brimless style in the 1990s, and several readers pointed to the latter stages of Carlton Fisk's career, as can be seen in the lower-right image here.

In the ongoing saga of catchers who wear their brim facing forward, reader Mike Comeau and his shutterbug friend Rick Sauve have documented something really weird: Although Jason Varitek wears his helmet backwards on the field, he apparently wears it facing forward when warming up the starting pitcher in the bullpen before a game.

And in yet another backstop-headgear item, most catchers are still using the standard cloth straps to keep their masks on their helmets, but a growing number are switching to a newer, stretchier style. Several readers have likened this new elasticized format to a jockstrap, but Dave Sikula has come up with the ideal description: He calls it a "helmet bra."

Finally, on the subject of ballplayers who remove the button from their cap, reader Elena Elms points out that Steve Kline's legendarily filthy Cardinals caps were also button-free, because catcher Mike Matheny would bite the button off at the season's outset (thereby giving new meaning to the concept of taking one for the team). "Kline's having an awful year now with Baltimore," notes Elms, "no doubt because Javy Lopez wouldn't risk injury to his smile to accommodate Kline's buttonless cap fetish. Meanwhile, Matheny's having the best offensive year of his career with the Giants." There's a lesson in there somewhere, but Uni Watch is too busy gnawing on this brimless helmet to figure out what it is.

Paul Lukas went to college at SUNY-Binghamton, which, incredibly enough, doesn't have a football team. Archives of his early "Uni Watch" columns are available here and here. Got feedback for him, or want to be added to his mailing list? Contact him here.